Of all the places to meet people, bars are one of the most debated. There is the argument that you can’t find quality, husband-material men there. I can see the reasoning, but if you caught me at midnight out with my friends, singing along to some horrible song and goofing around, I probably wouldn’t look like anybody’s future wife myself. It’s all about the situation. (And what you’re looking for.)
There are times when I go out and don’t particularly care if I appear approachable. When I get the “hey meet me for a drink because I’m having a life crisis and need to talk” phone call, I’m not worried if I am sitting in a corner with my back to the bar. That, however, is unusual. A few of my girls began crashing boys’ night out at the bar and it stuck. The guys used to always pick this round table in a corner, tucked away from the bar, pool table, and jukebox. Tucked away from the action. In that position, you’re not going to meet anyone. There is no reason for anyone to pass by and you’re not in anybody’s line of vision. It’s not a social place to sit. I found this unacceptable. In a maneuver I’m rather proud of, I’ve managed to migrate our group to the center of the place, close to everything. (It took me a while, but I got my way in the end.) Whereas before I could only use the ladies’ room as a regular reason to scope out the rest of the bar, I now see everything going on around us.
Choosing a seat with this in mind can be a big part of getting someone’s attention while you’re out. Making a conscious choice can make a big difference. Sitting at the bar is considered the most social, where you’re not anchored to a table, so to speak. If you end up at a booth, it’s super closed off—particularly if you’re the one by the wall. You’re not inviting anyone into the space. It’s the seating arrangement equivalent of a whispered conversation. It’s great for a date, but not so much if you’re looking to meet people.
Think about what you’re doing while you’re out, as well. Sometimes I find myself guilty of keeping my phone too close. I remind myself that it can all wait—my Words with Friends matches aren’t going anywhere. Texting and checking your phone constantly does two things—it makes you look bored and it makes you look busy. If you’re trying to look bored or busy, then by all means go ahead and update your Twitter. (I may or may not have done this when faced with a guy who wouldn’t stop talking long enough for me to get a word in and was not reading my uninterested body language. It works.) If you’re telling a friend where to park when she meets you, text away. But otherwise, save it for later–it makes people look unapproachable. This does not just apply to phones…I’m talking about anything that serves as a distraction. The guy at a bar one time who kept smiling at me while wearing his headphones was repeatedly met with puzzled glances. Why is he still wearing those? Does he hate the music playing? Is he sensitive to noise? Is that an important recording or something? Is he even listening to something? And despite all those questions, he looked too blocked off for me to talk to.
Next time you go out, choose your location wisely. Trust me, it’s easier than telling a bunch of clueless friends that you’re using the bathroom again just so you can check out some cute boys.
